I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
