i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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