First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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