if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
