Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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