Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
