HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He? As in you personified your dick?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
