I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
