May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
