did you get engaged???
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
