I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
