I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
