Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
