I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
