Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
