i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
