Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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