My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Randomize
