I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
That's how pantless uber rides happen
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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