In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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