the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I want her autograph on my taint
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
