Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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