I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
