Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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