you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
