i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
