Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
