the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
