Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
