ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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