my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
A+ Viking dick
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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