i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
