Im at strip club and am horny
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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