sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
