Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
try to milk me bitch
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