I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
