Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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