Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
