She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
