You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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