babies were throwing up all over the place
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
