My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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