I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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