Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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