The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You need a sexual gate keeper
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
