A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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