I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
