my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
