k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
