We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
