I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
