New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
