He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
