Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
